NO NICO, I DON'T!
by a-study-in-starkid
Summary: Nico wants to know everything.
1. Thalia

"Do you like cabbage?" Nico demanded, pushing Thalia on the shoulder. "I must know."

Thalia shook her head. "Why does it matter?" she asked loudly, partially because she was listening to Green Day through s pair of headphones, and partially because she was annoyed.

"Well, do you?" Nico asked again. He was ignored. "DO YOU LIKE CABBAGE?"

"NO NICO, I DON'T!" Thalia finally screamed, running away.

"Well, at least I know," he said, pulling a leaf of cabbage out of his pocket and chewing away.

**A/N: The story behind this. At my school there were these really random paintings of kids saying dumb, random things. one of them said, "NO NICO, I DON'T!" So...that's that.**


	2. Chiron

"Hey. Chiron?" Nico asked slowly. "Do you love anybody? I must know."

Chiron's eyes misted over, then cleared. "Why should I tell you?" he asked suspiciously, flattening his hair. When Nico didn't respond, he began to canter away. Nico chased him.

"Hey Chiron!" yelled Nico. "Do you love somebody? DO YOU? _DO YOU? _**DO YOU?"**

"NO NICO, I DON'T!" Chiron finally screamed.

"Well, at least I know," Nico said, pulling a leaf of cabbage out of his pocket and chewing away.

**A/N: teehee.**


	3. Percy

It was lunchtime. Thaila and Chiron were both glaring at him from across the room.

Nico bounded over to Percy. "Hey Percy!" he said.

Oblivious, Percy replied, "Oh, hey Nico." He sighed and pushed around his slab of steak with a fork.

"Do you want that steak? I must know." Nico told him.

Percy gave him a curious glance. "Why? You can order your own steak!"

"Do you want that steak?" demanded the dark-haired boy. "DO you? DO YOU!"

Percy lost it.

"NO NICO, I DON'T!" he bellowed.

"Good, me neither." Nico smiled, and sauntered away, leaving a sputtering Percy in his wake.

"Well, at least I know," Nico said, pulling a leaf of cabbage out of his pocket and chewing away.

**A/N: Who knows how long this story will go? Ideas for future ideas are welcome. Dude. Ahem.  
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	4. Juniper

It was mostly deserted in the forest, but it was here that Nico had chosen to stroll. He was clutching a fudge pop in his left hand and licking it periodically.

Juniper watched him from a distance. She wrinkled her nose. Stupid child of Hades.

Nico sensed life and whipped his head towards the wood nymph. "You got a problem with my fudge pop?" he snapped defensively.

Juniper didn't answer. She wanted to disappear.

"Do you?" he asked, more threateningly.

"NO NICO, I DON'T!" Juniper cried hysterically, and fled to the safety of her tree.

"Well, at least I know," Nico said, pulling a leaf of cabbage out of his pocket and chewing away.

**A/N:**


	5. Clarisse

It was another boring day. Thalia, Chiron, and Percy were totally freezing him out. So Nico walked up to the camp bully, the tough girl; Clarisse.

"Hey Clarisse!" he called. Clarisse turned around suspiciously.

"What?" she snapped.

"Wanna duel?" Nico's eyes were open wide. "Wanna? Wanna?"

"You're below my level, you punk," she told him.

"Wanna duel?" he screamed.

"NO NICO, I DON'T!" Clarisse finally shouted. She stomped away.

"Well, at least I know," Nico said, pulling a leaf of cabbage out of his pocket and chewing away.

**A/N: Thanks to Team Cabbage for the Clarisse idea. I have to go to church now, but I'll probably update a lot today. Because my family will be watching American football all day. Which means I get the computer for hours on end. :D  
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	6. Katie

**A/N:This chapter idea came from Radius Flame. The strawberries you recommended have more significance than you can ever know, Radius. **

Katie Gardner patted her strawberry plant lovingly. Her mother, Demeter, had to be proud. she heard footsteps and looked up. It was Nico, that child of Hades. A crowd of angry people seemed to be lurking in the background.

"Can I eat that strawberry?" Nico pointed to a particularly juicy one.

"What? You just ate lunch!" Katie scowled.

"Can I eat it? Can I? Can I?"

_No! My precious strawberry! NEVER!_

"Katie. You think I should eat it or what?"

"NO NICO, I DON'T!" Katie screamed, and hugged her strawberry plant protectively. She uprooted it and sprinted away.

"Well, at least I know," Nico said, pulling a leaf of cabbage out of his pocket and chewing away.

**Another A/N: I'm using pjoperson's idea next.  
>wprincessluv, I'll update Roots! The chapter is written but I haven't gotten around to posting it because it sucks.<br>**


	7. Annabeth

"Hey, Annabeth?" Nico asked, walking up to the blond-haired girl. She was attacking a dummy with her knife.

"Oh, hey Nico," she said, too fatigued to notice the huge crowd of angry people behind her.

"Imma ask you something." he said. "Do you love me?"

Annabeth almost snorted. "YOU?" She turned back to her dummy. "See ya around, Nico!" she said pointedly.

"Well, _somebody _tripped on a corpse this morning!" Nico said smoothly. "So do you love me?" he made dramatic kissing noises that blocked out the sounds everywhere else. "Do ya? Do ya? Do you?"

"NO NICO, I DON'T!" Annabeth finally screamed. "Leave me alone!" she threw her knife on the ground and ran off. Even though the knife was special. But Nico had made her so mad.

"Well, at least I know," Nico said, pulling a leaf of cabbage out of his pocket and chewing away.

**A/N: Thanks to pjoperson for the idea. Next up is WithLoveFromTorchwood. if you haven't noticed, I'm working my way up from your reviews. Like a library reservation. So get in line if you have a suggestion.  
><strong>


	8. Dionysus

It was a nice day in the Big House. Nico was looking for Mr. D.

He found Mr. D on the back porch, playing chess with himself, and incinerating the pieces that took away pieces from the...other team...it made no sense. A stack of cards sat neatly on the side table.

"Hey, Mr. D!" Nico said, sitting down.

"YES, I WIN! NO, I LOST!" Dionysus yelled, and made the whole chess set blow up.

Nico shook his head. If only the other gods could see him now. "Hey, Mr. D?"

"WHAT, child?" snapped Mr. D. "You are interrupting my celebration and commiseration!"

"Do you want to play pinochle?" he asked. "Everyone else seems to be yelling at me today."

Dionysus snorted. "I will not dignify that request with a response," he said. "Gods do not play card games with mortals."

"You know you wanna!" Nico said, then began singing a song that was remarkably like a song wprincessluv and ILoveBem knew as the "Office Song."

"_Pinochle, pinochle, play with me, you know you wannaaaa!"_

"NO NICO, I DON'T!" Mr. D finally bellowed. He turned into a cloud of smoke and blew away._  
><em>

"Well, at least I know," Nico said, pulling a leaf of cabbage out of his pocket and chewing away. He frowned. "I'm starting to get sick of this stuff,"

**A/N: WithLoveFromTorchwood, this one was for you! And don't yell at me for putting an inside joke in this. I just felt like it. Next up is therevealingtruth. Which is a very cool penname.  
><strong>


	9. Annabeth Again

"Annabeth!" Nico marched into the horde of angry campers.

"Ugh, Nico, what do you WANT?" snapped Annabeth. "Just leave us alone!"

"Hey, Annie, do you..."

"NO NICO, WHATEVER IT IS, NO! NO NICO, I DON'T!" Annabeth bellowed. "GO AWAY!"

Percy nodded over-enthusiastically. "Nobody wants you here."

"Fine, fine!" said Nico. He jerked his head, causing his hair to achieve the windswept look that was so popular among adolescent boys these days.

"Well, at least I know," Nico said, pulling a leaf of cabbage out of his pocket and chewing away. He saw Drew in the distance. Smiling, Nico swallowed his cabbage and started towards the beautiful head of Aphrodite cabin.

**A/N: This chapter was sparked by therevealingtruth! Although his/her idea was good, it didn't give me much to work with. But, here ya go.  
>May I add, WOW. Reviews have DOUBLED since the last chapter. At lunch today WithLoveFromTorchwood and wprincessluv helped me create the perfect ending...which won't happen for a little while. Review or an evil boy will scream jibberish at you in the hallway. Or review because you want to.<strong>


	10. Drew

"Heyyy, Drew!" Nico said coyly. He watched the head of Aphrodite house look down at him in disdain.

"What, di Angelo?" she asked him,glaring through heavily-lined eyes.

"I was just wondering, Drewie," said Nico. "Do you miss Silena Beauregard?"

Her face blanched. "That former head of Aphrodite? Ha!"

"That's not an answer, though I can infer." said Nico. "Do you miss Silena?"

"Stop asking!"

"NO NICO, I DON'T!" she screeched. "AUGH!" her cheeks were red. This kid was so annoying!

Nico trotted away, Drew scowling as he left. She then noticed the crowd of people and joined them hastily.

"Well, at least I know," Nico said, pulling a leaf of lettuce out of his pocket and chewing away. He spat it out on the floor. "I don't like lettuce," he decided. It was a good thing he had a leaf of cabbage in his other pocket.

**A/N: Idea goes to JMbroadwayfan. Also, wow. 50 reviews...you guys are totally awesome! Imma go to school now. :(  
>Also, Nico changed up his cabbage eating. Or at least tried to.<br>**


	11. Hades

The Underworld was just a musty, dark basement. That was how Nico looked at it. And he wanted to brighten it up. First, he would probably install a new lighting system. Then he'd put balloons everywhere.

But he had to ask his dad an important question, first.

There he was, perched on his throne.

"WHAT?" he asked as his son approached him.

"Dad...do you think you can just give me that crown?"

"Excuse me?" Hades demanded. "For one thing, I am not wearing a crown."

"Fine. The bone headband thing." said Nico.

"If you're implying that you want to rule hell, the answer is no." A grin flashed briefly across the god's face.

"Do you think I'd be a good king?" Nico asked his father. His eyes pleaded. "Do you think I would, Daddy?"

"NO NICO, I DON'T!" Hades snapped. "Now get out my sight, you insufferable child!"

Nico scampered off. He was sad. Visions of cotton candy and unicorns were fading.

"Well, at least I know," Nico said, and picked a pomegranate from the tree. He considered it, for a minute. Then he reached into his pocket for a piece of cabbage.

Frowning, he chewed it noisily.

**A/N: Hooray for Spyrofan777. Their review got turned into a chapter. I need more suggestions, guys. An lol is good, but ideas keep the story going.  
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	12. Travis

The karaoke machine was ready. The microphone was sitting primly on a black stand.

Nico was ready to sing. He pressed a few buttons and began.

"_It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday!_" he belted. Then Nico stopped. After all, singing was no fun alone.

His eyes landed on Travis Stoll. His girlfriend Katie, who was already mad at Nico, and his brother Conner, were by him. An audience.

"Hey, Travis!" Nico said, bounding over.

Travis glanced at the microphone in Nico's hand.

"I'm not singing Friday." he snapped. "I hate that song." he turned away.

"I'll change the song, then," Nico said. "Wanna sing with me?"

"Kid, just get lost!" Travis said, looking increasingly annoyed.

"C'mon! Let's sing Justin Bieber!" pleaded Nico. "Please! Don't you wanna sing with me?"

Travis whirled around. "NO NICO, I DON'T!" he trotted off.

Conner chuckled. "Dude, that was hilarious. I haven't seen him so mad since Katie pretended to dump him!"

"All in a day's work," Nico said. When Katie and Conner had disappeared into the dark for several hours, he looked down at the microphone.

"It's better than more cabbage," he reasoned, then took a bite of the metal handle. It was not edible. Although Grover would probably disagree.

"So, I guess microphones are not edible," he sighed. "Well, at least I know."

**A/N: Sorry I haven't updated lately. Or maybe I have. I forget. Anyway, this chapter was courtesy of emostrawberry. What is UP with strawberries and this story? They are significant in my life, but not so much here...  
><strong>


	13. Luke

"Hello!" Nico said brightly to the black camera lens. "This Nico WKMS. Don't ask me what it stands for because I don't know."

He was sitting in an office chair, his hands on a table. In the chair next to him, Luke Castellan rolled his eyes.

"This is the stupidest talk show I've ever been on!" he growled.

"Anyway, Luke, welcome to Nico WKMS. I'm going to ask you a few questions. first off, what color will your eyes be tomorrow?"

"Uh...gold," grumbled Luke.

Nico smiled. "And why is that?"

"Just because."

"Another question, Mr. Luke. Do you think that this is a good show?"

Luke waved his hand around the room. "I think the quality of this room describes the quality of the show," he sneered.

"So it's great! Don't you think it's great?" Nico pushed a suspiciously dented microphone in Luke's face.

"NO NICO, I DON"T!" Luke screamed, and ran out of the broadcasting room.

"What a rude way to end the show," Nico frowned. "Nico out, bit- friends."

The camraman turned off the camera. "Should we run with it anyway?"

"Yes," said Nico. "He said this was a crap news show. Well, at least I know," He pulled a pice of crumbling toast from his pocket and crunched away.**  
><strong>

**A/N: So I've had over 4000 hits, 800 visitors, and 70 reviews. Who knew some random crackfic could get so...big? Anyway, thanks for your suggestions, all. I also wanted you to know that I prefer characters from the original series rather than Heroes of Olympus. So If I blow off a HoO suggestion, don't eat me. Also, yes I did my own chapter this time. Don't worry, a reviewer is next.  
><strong>


	14. Thalia Again

Nico patted his parachute fondly. Today he would take it far, far up.

"Hey, Nico!" A girl who was not annoyed at the moment ran up to him. "You shouldn't go skydiving, being the son of Hades, ya know."

"Yeah, shut up Piper," he said. But the mention of Zeus had struck him with an idea. No pun intended.

"Thalia!" he said faintly. "Thalia will go skydiving with me."

It wasn't hard to find Thalia. She was in the middle of a huge pack of angry people.

"Hey, Thalia!" he said aggressively.

"WHAT NOW." she said, obviously annoyed.

"Come and skydive?" he asked. "I know you love the air."

"Yeah, sure."

"LEAVE THALIA ALONE!" yelled Artemis, who was randomly there. "WE HATE BOYS!"

"And girls!" Percy added. "I mean...never mind," he said sheepishly. "Imma shut up now."

"So, whatdaya say?" Nico asked. "Do you want to go skydiving with meh or not?"

"Nico..." Thalia said. "Stop."

"Answer me. Do you want to?"

"Well," said Thalia. "I have to say the same stupid catchphrase. "Lucky me. Thanks, ILoveBem. So...NO NICO, I DON'T!"

"Augh!" Nico said. "Fine, I'll go alone!"

Minutes later, Nico was crumpled on the ground. He'd forgotten to actually open the paracute.

"You were supposed to OPEN the parachute, idiot," Thalia howled with laugher.

Nico sighed. "Well, at least I know," he said, then pulled out his sad remains of a cabbage leaf.

**A/N: Idea to anonymous reviewer DemigodCahillShekaihGirl. You're probably wondering how long I'm going to keep posting this...er...crap. The answer is, I want to get 100 reviews. Then I will consider submitting my supermegafoxyawesomehot epic ending.**


	15. Yes, Again With Thalia

It is never a good idea to cross a Hunter. Especially one of Artemis' hunters.

He'd annoyed Thalia at least twice today. SO she was probably already really angry. ANd Nico's body hurt from the parachute incident.

Yet it was to Thalia that Nico walked, now.

"Don't you just hate Artemis?" he asked her. He smiled as her face crumpled. He loved seeing her upset.

"No, Nico, I don't," she said tiredly. "And I already said that twice. Can't you just leave me alone?"

"Not until I get this," he said, and stood on his toes, his lips brushing softly against hers.

"Nico!" Thalia whispered. "After all this time?"

"Always," said Nico, who had no idea that they were using dialogue from Harry Potter. But, if that was what ILoveBem wanted...

"But...Nico!" Thalia looked horrified and exhilarated, all at once. "For one thing, you annoy the hell out of me sometimes. And second...I'm a hunner!"

"PRONOUNCE THE 'T'!" Nico bellowed. "IT SOUNDS STUPID WHEN YOU DON'T!" Then he seemed to calm down. "Do you think you hate Artemis now?"

Thalia seemed to actually ponder this for a moment. "Well...y...NO NICO, I DON'T!" she finally decided, and ran away, confused.

"Well, at least I tried," said Nico glumly, pulling a leaf of cabbage out of his pocket and braiding it through his hair.

It looked beautiful.

**A/N: Sunnybunny427 is being celebrated with this chapter. So are all Thalico shippers. I'm sorry, people I skipped! I just don't like writing about Lost Hero characters! Yes, I'm still updating. You reviewers are the bestest. Also, Team Cabbage got upset because of the lack of cabbage. There is cabbage here, TC!  
><strong>


	16. Demeter

The stench of grains could be smelled even from Nico's room.

He sat up in his bed. Even in the Underworld, nobody can escape a mother.

He bounded out to his father's throne room, and wasn't surprahsed to see Persephone, Hades' wife (And niece). Her mother, Demeter, was, obviously there as well.

"AND NEXT TIME MAKE SURE SHE HAS A JEWELRY TREE!" Demeter was bellowing.

"Yeah, whatever," Hades mumbled. "Have a nice summer, Persephone,"

"So," said Nico loudly, walking in and cringing at the strong scent. "I'm heeere!"

Hades threw him a glare. "Don't interrupt!" he snapped.

"Hey, Demeter?" Nico asked innocently. "Do you like cereal or something?" he asked.

She waved a fist at him, which was draped with bracelets made of Froot Loops."Don't _even _talk to me! You are literally the devil's spawn!"

"Gee, great answer!" Nico said brightly. "You should come on my talk show. Imma ask you...do you like cereal?"

"NO NICO, I DON'T!" she yelled sarcastically.

"Ha! I know it!" Nico yelled gleefully.

"That was sarcasm!" she frowned.

"Sure didn't sound like it," Nico replied smoothly. He scampered away before Demeter could turn him into a bowl of bran flakes or something. With really swishy hair.

Out of breath, Nico ducked into a small doorway. It was his secret room. This room was sacred, because it housed not i=only his entire suppy of cabbage, it also contained his own hidden swimming pool.

Nico grabbed an inflated tube, a handful of cabbage, and splashed into the water. "Well, at least I know!" he said through a mouthful of his snack.

**A/N: Hooray for purplecrazed. If s/he still reads this, of course, I used their idea. Also, YOU GUYS DID IT! You gave me over 100 reviews. Do not worry, this crap won't end. Just to make sure, why don't you give me an idea? Help me along? You all are just as much a part of this story as the cabbage is...**


	17. Niko

Camp Half-Blood, for the first time in like, a millennium, had a new class.

Band.

The whole camp was buzzing with excitement. There were instruments being imported from all over the country, and each camper got to pick one out.

Nico was just as excited as the rest of them, and signed up for the clarinet ecitedly. So excitedly that he spelled excitedly wrong.

Finally the day came. It was time for band.

"Welcome to band!" called Chiron over the horrible noise of squeaking instruments and chattering voices. Everyone hushed up at once.

"Do you have a spare reed?" Nico asked a new kid at camp, named Niko.

"Haven't read any good books lately. Nope, no good reads," said Niko in an annoyingly chipper voice.

"I said REEDS. R-E-E-E-E-D." Nico spelled out.

"Please be quiet, Mr. di Angelo and Mr. Kamlet." Chiron said patiently. "I am going to teach you how to make a noise."

"I CAN MAKE A NOISE!" Nico yelled. "BUT I NEED THE REED FIRST!"

"I don't have a reed!" Niko snapped. "God." His good mood had vanished.

"Are you sure you don't?" Nico demanded. "You stole my name. The least you can do is give me a reed. You _have_ an extra."

"NO NICO, I DON'T!" Niko stuffed a handful of reeds in his shorts and bolted out the door. Grover ate his clarinet as soon as Niko was out of sight.

"Nico!" scolded Chiron. "Way to upset your peers," he grumbled.

"Well, at least I know," Nico said glumly, staring at the empty seat beside him. He did not eat, he did not chew. He merely sat, and listened to the deafening squeals and squeaks of his fellow campers.

**A/N: Yeah, that was my own idea, and not yours. Don't fret, readers. One of your ideas will be chosen to shine in a chapter of glory. It is near. It is now. It is yours.**

**So, anyway, back to the band thing. There's this guy in my band named Niko, and he hates me now because I asked him to ask me something, so that I could reply, "NO NIKO, I DON'T!" **

**Oh, well.  
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	18. Monster

Nico's jaw was clenched with determination. He was playing a game at camp. The objective? Escape the forest...alive.

Nico did have a team, but it wasn't as if they'd be any help. His team was Annabeth, Percy, and Travis. But they were all angry with him anyway, and had gone left when he'd gone right about an hour ago. Nico was utterly alone.

"Ew, Nico," whispered Juniper from the shadows. "Get away from me!"

Nico stomped around the forest. _This game is bogus! _he told himself angrily. _I haven't even seen a monster!_

"ROAR!"

A monster! It was a humanoid figure, with a strange, slash icon on a tee shirt. We would know it as a Nike swoosh. "I AM GOING TO EAT YOU!" it screamed, flicking it's head to keep it's hair it's Beiberlisciousness.

"Now, do you _really _believe you're going to eat me?" asked Nico kindly.

"NO NICO, I DON'T!" it yelled.

"How do you know my name?" Nico demanded. The monster pointed at the name tag on Nico's chest. It read, NICO. "Oh," he said.

The monster sighed. "I want to eat you, because I'm really hungry. But I'm not hungry for your sword, too."

Nico reached into his pocket.

"Cabbage?" The monster asked hopefully.

"No, actually," Nico said. "It's all at my house." he pulled out a bunch of red candies.

"Want a Red Vine?"

And the monster and Nico had a lovely time. When Nico finally went back to camp some twelve hours later, the camp was partying, because they thought he was dead.

When he came back, of course, the parties stopped abruptly.

**A/N: Yay for 78meg9. Her review was this chapters reviewer idea thingie. Thank you guys so much for all of your reviews, the monster that Nico met was called a Jock, it was very dangerous. Okay, bye! Review!**


	19. Percy Again!

The Nico's Death!party had ended about a week ago. It seemed that Percy had come down with mononucleosis. That should teach him not to make out with Annabeth and Rachel in one night. Rachel had been staying at camp. After the party, she moved far away.

Anyway, Percy was very sick. he was staying in the Big House (That was NOT in the sky) until he was better. Nico decided to pay him a visit, even though he knew Percy was aggravated with him.

Nico pushed open the door and was greeted by a combination of sneezes and coughs. "Percy!" he yelled.

"GO AWAY, NICO!" Percy managed a raspy shout.

"Feelin' good?" Nico bellowed through the locked door. No response.

Nico pulled a crowbar from his pocket (I don't know, so don't even ask.) and busted open the door. "Hey, buddy!" he said, smiling as splints of wood shattered the unfortunate demigod in the bed.

"Do you feel good?" he asked.

Percy went berserk. "NO NICO, I DON'T!" he screamed, probably damaging his voicebox for life and rising out of bed. He reached for the discarded crowbar.

"Just asking!" Nico cried innocently. He ran out the door, or what remained of it. Finally, out of breath, Nico leaned against a tree, which cried out indignantly, but let him stand there.

"Well, at least I know," he panted. "That he don't feel well."

He reached in his pocket for the usual cabbage, but the only thing he could pull up was a piece of shattered wood.

It was not tasty.

**A/N: Riley Coyote is the winner! I think. I'm too lazy to check. If the spacing is weird, blame the computer. Anyway, as always, thank you so much for all of your reviews, they make me smile. Oh, and I just found out that the second book in the Lost Hero books came out. Yay, I have to go read that now. Maybe that means you guys can start suggesting Lost Hero characters again! How do you think Nico got the crowbar? Review!**


	20. Yeah, Another Percy, Last One for Awhile

Thankfully, Percy had fully recovered by the next day. Yes, it was odd, but that's just how crap stories like this work.

He was sitting out by the beach, relaxing and being happy that he could function properly. Except, of course, for the wooden splinter on his cheek that he hadn't been able to fully get out.

Thanks, Nico.

Speak of the devil. Percy noticed him skipping down the sand dunes with some sort of sign. Buoyant and out of character as he always was. You'd never guess that he was a son of Hades, besides the cabbage smell that always lingered when Nico did.

"Heyyyy, Percy!" Nico yelled. "Surf's up!"

Now that Nico was right in front of Percy, Percy could see the luminescent blue swim trunks and the brightly-painted neon surf board.

"You're going...surfing?" Percy said slowly. Nico shook his head.

"No way, bro. _You _are."

Percy laughed in spite of himself. "I don't surf."

"But you're the son of Poseidon!" Nico exclaimed. "Wut, you all chicken?"

"Stop it," Percy frowned. "I don't surf."

"But don't you like to surf?" Nico waved the board at him threateningly.

"NO NICO, I DON'T!" spat Percy, and his good mood was ruined.

"Well," Nico seemed slightly offended. "I certainly will."

Then he plunged into the ocean.

"I like cabbage, too," whispered a shark as he watched the oblivious boy surf his heart out.

**A/N: lilytam27 had the surf idea! Also, I was wondering, how many of you despise the self-proclaimed popular people at your school? I certainly do. I would like to give a shout-out to PeaceLoveAndCheese, their review was brilliant, however, they made an entire chapter of their own and I couldn't do their idea without taking their whole review. Go look at it, second page, third review. **

**Anyway, as usual, thank you so much for the reviews, I am eternally grateful, the usual. Peace off. **


	21. Chiron 2

"My back is _so_ sore," Nico heard Chiron moan in the Big House. "And it is...so hot in this house right now." Still dripping with saltwater, Nico walked in.

"Oh, Nico," Chiron said, clearly uncomfortable with seeing him. "How was surfing?"

Nico shrugged. "Dude, yoyoyo." he said in reply. 'And why's your back sore?"

"Ah, that," Chiron sighed. "I gave Tyson a pony ride."

Nico backed up in horror. "You could have died!"

The centaur nodded regretfully. "Now, would you please leave? I am in a rather nasty mood."

"So...do you like giving pony rides?" Nico ignored Chiron's last sentence. "'Cause I am feeling rather tired from surfing, and my cabin is so...far...away..."

Chiron shook his head stoutly.

"But surely you _like _giving pony rides!" Nico said. "D-do you?"

"..." Chiron glared.

"Do you?" he asked hopefully.

"NO NICO, I DON'T!" Chiron bellowed.

"Okay, okay!" Nico said, then exited the cabin. However, somebody had dug a large hole in the ground. It was deep. He stepped into it and fell in, silent.

**A/N: The reviewer was Sunnybunny 427. ANd just to clarify, in the last chapter, I meant that was the last PERCY chapter for awhile. Not a STORY chapter. So...yeah. I have to go to school! First periiod is band with Niko.**

**Make me review-happy when I get home! :)**


	22. Musically Talented Cabbages

"Ahhh!" Nico yelled, as he tumbled through the blackness. He landed in a soft bed of...something.

"What's this?" asked a squeaky voice from somewhere. "Intruder!"

"I'm Nico," said Nico nervously. it was too dark to see. He imagined evil demigods, maybe hiding and waiting to invade camp.

There was suddenly an outburst. It seemed like there were thousands of voices. All annoyingly high pitched.

_"What are these hideous creatures? Invaders! So cruel!"_

"Shut up!" Nico bared his teeth and tasted something.

Cabbage.

He was stuck in a hole with singing cabbages.

"Do you think you can just SHUT UP!" Nico screamed.

"NO NICO, WE CAN'T." they said in creepy unison.

"Well, can you help me out?"

"NO NICO, WE CAN'T."

Nico tilted his head. "HELP ME!" he yelled, hoping that a camper would hear him.

But nobody came.

**A/N: Suspense. It's a very cruel and ancient power. Don't fret, I'll do reviewer ideas.**

**And no, readers, I haven't read Son of Neptune yet. So I have no idea who Hazel is.**

**Review this annoyingly short chapter!**


	23. Annoyed Niko

Crescents of dirt were forming under Nico's fingernails as he scrabbled them against the crusty prison he'd fallen into. The singing cabbages didn't help at awl.

_"Do, ray, mi, fa, so, la, ti, doooo!" _sang the cabbages.

Suddenly, a wooden ladder fell down and squashed the cabbages. No pun intended. "OH, THANK HADES!" Nico bellowed, climbing up the ladder gratefully, but not without snagging a piece cabbage to eat on the way up.

Nico hoisted himself onto the solid ground. He was outside the big house again. To his surprahs there was a huge crowd of people. Thalia, Chiron, Percy, Juniper (her tree had been wagonized), Clarisse, Katie, Annabeth, Dionysus, Drew, Hades, Travis, Luke, Demeter, Niko, and the random monster were in a big blob together. And they were all glaring.

At him.

"How did that doggone hole get there, anyway?" Nico asked, to break the darkness that had fallen over the scene like a heavy cloak.

"I dug it," shrugged Dionysus. "I wanted to have a parent teacher conference with your dad."

"But I'm RIGHT HERE." said Hades.

"Oh." said Dionysus. "Fail."

"Come, Nico," said Niko, stepping up out of the crowd and holding a large chain, sneering. "Why not familiarize ourselves with the dungeons?"

Nico looked at at the rest of his so-called friends. "Do you really need to do this?" he asked in a Spanish accent.

"NO NICO, I DON'T." said Niko, reaching for Nico's wrists.

"I want to."

**A/N: Will Nico pwn Niko? Or the other way around? Stay tuned for more excitingness. This story is so deep and intense, I'm like, drowning.**

** RANT TIME. If you actually read this...wow.**

**So, this week was so not fun. Too much school. And too many people. Most of them hate me.**

**My birthday is on Tuesday! Cheeray! This is not a rant. I want a virtual cupcake. With rainbow sprinkles. But I can't. You know why? Cuz it doesn't exist.**

**Review! :D**


	24. Unnamed Hippo

"Get off!" Nico smacked the chain away.

Niko glared. This was war. He extended a fist, but then Nico kicked him in the gut. Niko fell to the ground, out cold.

"That'll teach you!" huffed Nico.

"Whoa! How did you get amazing fighty powers?" asked Luke hungrily. "Want, want, want."

"Can you teach us how to do that?" asked Chiron, looking very impressed.

Nico's mouth twitched. He almost said yes. "No, because you guys suck!" but he just snapped his fingers.

A magical hippo (because unicorns are so cliché) appeared at Nico's feet. It also trampled Niko.

"You don't want to stay in camp with these mean peeps, do you?" asked Nico.

"No, Nico, I don't," sighed the hippo."Get on ma back."

Nico hopped onto the flabby skin, and they trotted away at an alarming pace.

"NICO!" cried Thalia. She chased after them.

"Thalia!" Annabeth raced after her friend.

"ANNABETH!" Percy ran to catch up with his girlfriend.

"Percy!" Chiron galloped to Percy.

"Chiron!" Travis ran after his mentor.

And soon the entire camp was chasing after Nico and the hippo.

**A/N: Niko denied my friend request on Facebook to my face. I hate him. **

**On a happier note, than you all so much for the cupcakes! I think I got fat. Wait, no. **

**You can probably expect more updates because I now have my very own laptop! :D **

**Review and tell me what the hippo's name should be.**

**Oh, and thanks to WhisperedSilver for the crazy long review.  
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	25. Waaaaay Too Many Names To Put In Title

"Ride, ride, Mr. Hippo!" screamed Nico, watching the camp chase after him from on the hippo's flabby skin.

The hippo skidded to a stop.

"THAT'S NOT MA NAME!" he screamed.

Nico panicked. "Sorry, sir. Please, hurry and take me away."

The hippo shook his head.

"What's your name?" Nico asked desperately.

"My name is Jerry Andy Obbckin Bubblyckneye Forkshonon Ramaken III Hippoloyta Wally Puddles Cheerio Humphrey Herby Shadow Maurice!" said the hippo proudly.

"Wow. Okay, can we book it now?" Nico said anxiously.

"Not until you learn ma name!" the hippo said stoutly.

"Uh..." Nico said faintly, as the camp's footsteps got louder. "Do you think we can we do this later?"

The hippo shook his fat head. "No, Nico, I don't."

"UGH!" Nico yelled as the campers came into view.

"NICO NICO NICO NICO NICO NICO!" called everybody, rushing up to him and surrounding him.

"We love you!"

"Call me!"

"Hey, Nico!"

"Cheerio, Nico!"

Nico glared at Jerry Andy Obbckin Bubblyckneye Forkshonon Ramaken III Hippoloyta Wally Puddles Cheerio Humphrey Herby Shadow Maurice. "Look what you've done!" he growled.

**A/N: Sorry I haven't updaded for awhile. School sucks. And yeah, everybody's suggestions got put into the hippo's name.**

**If you want Nico to adopt Jerry Andy Obbckin Bubblyckneye Forkshonon Ramaken III Hippoloyta Wally Puddles Cheerio Humphrey Herby Shadow Maurice, tell me in your review.**

**Your friend,**

**ILoveBem**

***Awkwardly leaves*  
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	26. The End

Jerry Andy Obbckin Bubblyckneye Forkshonon Ramaken III Hippoloyta Wally Puddles Cheerio Humphrey Herby Shadow Maurice watched the campers in amusement.

They engulfed the raven-haired boy and bombarded him with useless questions.

Nico used his hands to whack his way out of their clump and hopped on Jerry Andy Obbckin Bubblyckneye Forkshonon Ramaken III Hippoloyta Wally Puddles Cheerio Humphrey Herby Shadow Maurice's back.

"Come on, friend," Nico said franticlally. "Let's get away from this freak show."

The hippo cocked his head.

"Your siblings must find you really annoying," Nco complained.

"I have no siblings. I have no parents." said the hippo, tears sparkling in his over-large eyes.

"I am your parent!" Nico declared as the fanboys and fangirls started closing in again.

"REALLY?" the hippo asked excitedly.

"Yes!" Nico pushed away Thalia's hand, which was creeping up his chest. "Now let's go!"

"Okay!" said the hippo. "My new name is Jerry Andy Obbckin Bubblyckneye Forkshonon Ramaken III Hippoloyta Wally Puddles Cheerio Humphrey Herby Shadow Maurice Di-Angelo!"

And with a harrumph of pleasure, Jerry Andy Obbckin Bubblyckneye Forkshonon Ramaken III Hippoloyta Wally Puddles Cheerio Humphrey Herby Shadow Maurice Di-Angelo galloped off in the sunset.

"Do you guys still love me?" Nico called as they sped away, framed by the pink and gold sun.

"YES NICO, WE DO!"

And they all lived happily ever after.

**A/N: I feel like the end is here. Thank you so much for the 200+ reviews, I thought it never to be possible.**

**It's so funny that this nonsense fic got so much good reception.**

**Thanks to everybody who faithfully read this. While this could have gone on forever, i feel like this is a good place to end.**

**3**


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